Back to Work? How to Cope with Parental Separation Anxiety

The end of your maternity (or paternity) leave is approaching, and you feel a heavy knot in your stomach. If you find yourself constantly checking on your baby or feeling guilty about leaving, you might be dealing with separation anxiety.

Parental separation anxiety often shows up as excessive worry or an inability to concentrate when you’re away from your baby. For parents returning to work, it can feel like a deep, uncomfortable sadness as if you’re missing a piece of yourself. It’s a typical struggle, but understanding these feelings helps you prepare for the changes ahead.

Recognizing Your Anxiety

Aside from feeling a deep ache or emptiness, separation anxiety can also create intrusive thoughts that make it hard for you to focus on anything else. These feelings aren’t limited to moms—many dads and non-birthing parents experience the same anxiety when going back to work.

The anxiety is driven by your protective instincts and can trigger irrational worries, such as:

•    Will yaya or lola know how to soothe the baby like I do?
•    Will the baby cry until they throw up?
•    Will my baby forget who I am?

5 Ways to Cope When You Return to Work

As a parent, you’ll always worry a little bit. The goal isn’t to turn off your feelings, but to manage the anxiety so you can function at work and be present when you’re at home.

1. Acknowledge and validate your guilt.

First, stop beating yourself up for feeling sad. Leaving your child with a caregiver does not make you a failure.

Allow yourself to grieve the end of your leave. It’s okay to cry in the shower or feel weird sitting at your work desk. UNICEF Parenting recommends acknowledging these feelings rather than fighting them.

Remind yourself why you’re working. Whether it’s to provide a better future for your family or to fulfill your own career dreams, your reasons are valid.

2. Build trust with your caregivers.

Building a strong relationship with your child's caregiver, whether it is a lola or a yaya, gives you the peace of mind to focus on work.

Your anxiety can also stem from the fear that no one can take care of your baby as well as you can. While no one can replace you, a trusted caregiver can still provide excellent care.

Whether it’s a yaya or your child’s lola (grandmother), spend a few days doing dry runs and "shadowing" them before you go back to work. Watch them feed and play with your baby. Seeing your baby smile at them will do wonders for your peace of mind.

Find helpful tips in this guide on what to look for in a babysitter to help put your mind at ease. When you trust your caregiver, you carry less worry to the office.

3. Practice the clean exit.

One of the hardest things to witness is your baby crying as you walk out the door. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends establishing a short, consistent ritual to ease the transition. Give a kiss, say "I’ll be back," and make a quick exit.

Don't hesitate or run back, as this can show your baby that there’s a reason to be afraid. Avoiding a long goodbye provides clear cues that it’s time to go, which helps build child independence. Finally, never sneak out when they aren't looking—disappearing breaks trust and can increase anxiety.

4. Check in without spiraling.

Thanks to technology, you can see your baby anytime via video calls or smart cameras. But be careful. Constant surveillance may end up feeding your anxiety rather than relieving it.

If you spend your day refreshing the camera feed, you’re never fully present at work. Set boundaries for yourself. Ask your caregiver for scheduled updates or photos only at specific times (like lunch). This allows you to focus on your tasks so you can finish work on time and get home to your baby sooner.

5. Focus on quality over quantity.

It’s typical to miss your baby! Coping with separation anxiety involves managing your own guilt and focusing on quality time.

Maybe you’re afraid that being away will damage your bond or that your baby will forget you.

Rest assured, this isn't true. The landmark NICHD Study of Early Child Care found that your family environment matters much more than your child care arrangements. Specifically, the study showed that a parent's sensitivity—how loving and responsive you are—matters more than the hours spent apart. What matters most is not the hours you’re apart, but how you connect when you’re together.

When you walk through the door, put the phone away. Play, cuddle, and engage. Learn more about your 1-year-old’s milestones so you know exactly what fun activity will make them light up. Knowing that your connection is strong—even when you are apart—is the best way to quiet your anxiety.

When to Seek Help

Feeling sad about returning to work is expected. However, if your anxiety is so high that you can’t concentrate, you’re having panic attacks, or you feel unable to function, it might be more than just standard separation anxiety.

If your worry feels consuming, it could be a sign of postpartum anxiety, which falls under the category of Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs). If you’re struggling, talk to your doctor. They can help you with grounding exercises to do at home to start.

When it comes to dealing with separation anxiety, the first week can be the hardest. The anticipation is often worse than the reality. Eventually, you’ll find a rhythm, your baby will adjust, and you’ll realize that your bond is strong enough to handle the distance. You can check out these strategies for working moms to help you get started on the right foot. You’ve got this!

You don't have to do this alone. Join the ParenTeam Moms and Dads Facebook group to find your community, swap back-to-work tips, and get the support you need when you have separation anxiety.