How to Handle Short-Tempered Kids (Is It More Than a Phase?)

When your child thinks they should get something and you say no, they become short-tempered because it feels unfair to them. If they were older, say 6 or 7, they might ask why they can't have it or try to find another way to get what they want.

But toddlers aren't there yet. At 2 or 3, waiting, sharing, or compromising can feel like too much. They're still figuring out how to deal with frustration, and they don't have the words to express their feelings.

So when the emotions get too big, they cry, scream, or lash out. This is where your response and parenting style matters most. As mom and television host Bianca Gonzalez-Intal puts it during the parenting seminar "The Intentional Parent: Real Talk for Raising Kids with Calm, Clarity, and Connection," held in September 2025, you as the adult are in a better position to regulate your emotions.

How to Manage When Tempers Flare

Both the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the Child Mind Institute agree that how parents respond during a child's outburst can either help defuse the situation or make it worse. So, the ideal approach when your child is acting out is to stay calm as much as possible.

Of course, employing a calm reaction or voice isn't the easiest thing to do when you have a child kicking their legs while splayed out on the floor. But it can do so much to cut a temper tantrum short. These tips can help when your child's emotions start to spiral: 

1. Resist the urge to give in.

Yes, it's easy to give your kid the toy, agree to more screen time, or quiet them down with whatever they want. But giving in teaches them that tantrums work. They'll figure out that the louder they scream, the better chance they have of getting what they want.

2. Follow through with the consequences.

When it comes to discipline rules, keep your response consistent. Your kid needs to understand what happens when they step out of line. If you tell them they can't play with their favorite toy when they hit someone, make sure you follow through to show how negative behavior leads to consequences.

However, an article in the American Psychological Association (APA) reminds parents to go easy on consequences. When these start to feel like punishment, kids who already struggle with their emotions may even more short-tempered and act out more.

3. Praise what you want to see.

Research shows kids 15 to 36 months old who have strong relationships with calm parents may overcome frustration faster.

The same APA article recommends having four or five positive interactions for each negative encounter. Recognize the times they make better choices and reward them for that good behavior.

For instance, avoid punishing your child each time they throw a tantrum when it's time to leave the playground. Instead, provide plenty of encouragement and perhaps a small reward when they leave without whining and crying.

4. Use healthy distractions (not bribes)

Sometimes, redirecting your child's attention is enough to stop a tantrum. You could hand them a puzzle, move to a different room, or start a new activity altogether.

A 2021 study published in Infancy found that distracting and reframing situations were effective in reducing frustration in kids by around 60%.

5. Avoid threats and guilt

Saying things like "'Pag hindi ka tumigil, kukunin ka ni lolo para dun ka matulog sa kanila" might work in the short term, but it doesn't teach better behavior.

Instead, try to give them two options to help soothe tensions. For example: "Bed and read your favorite book now or go to bed after 15 minutes but no bedtime story."

Later, you can teach your child how they can also make their own choices in situations when when they want to grab a toy a playmate doesn't want to share.

6. Power through the outbursts together

Both you and your child need a go-to set of calming tools. Here are a few simple ways you can comfort each other, according to Zero to Three, a non-profit organization on early childhood development.

• Take deep breaths together: Your breathing can help your child calm down.
• Stay close: Sit next to them or give them a hug once they've settled down.
• Name their feelings: Say stuff like, "Alam ko natakot ka. Andito lang si Mama and Papa."

Check this article about how to teach toddlers how to control emotions.

7. Be patient with your little one.

Some kids learn to manage their anger more quickly than others. And this ability to control emotions is shaped by many factors, including:

• Natural temperament
• Environment (home, school, routine)
• How tired, overstimulated, or hungry they are
• The sense of safety they get from adults around them

The ability to pause, reflect, and respond instead of react takes years to build and even more time to practice. It's a vital life skill that kids learn from their parents first.

Teach About Feelings Early

Teaching kids how to express feelings the healthy way is a team effort between parents and caregivers.

According to the APA, children benefit from learning about emotions early in life, even during infancy. You can start by naming feelings in everyday situations, like when reading a book or watching a movie together. Point out when a character looks sad, angry, happy, or scared.

The earlier children begin to develop self-control, the less likely they are to act out later on. A 2020 longitudinal study in Developmental Science shows that a child's ability to manage their behavior as early as 14 months was linked to fewer behavior problems by the time they turned 2.

The APA also notes that little ones who are quick to react and hard to soothe may have more difficulty managing emotions as they grow older.

When It's More Than a Phase

Yale Medical Child Study Center says it's typical for kids younger than 4 years to throw as many as nine tantrums weekly. Short-tempered moments tend to lessen as kids learn to regulate their emotions on their own.

However, when angry outbursts become frequent meltdowns, and calming strategies don't help as a child gets older, it may point to something more than just "growing pains."

The Child Mind Institute says possible underlying causes for severe temper outbursts may be linked to anxiety or learning problems. They may also be early signs of neurodivergence, such as ADHD or autism spectrum disorder.

If you've tried everything, and your child's temper is getting out of hand more and more, check in with your pediatrician. They can do an initial developmental screening and recommend the ideal pediatric specialist who can best address your child's needs. The earlier you can get professional help, the better.

Your Influence on Your Child's Emotional Growth

It's easy to feel worn down when you're parenting a toddler. But your response to those outbursts and your parenting style affect how your child behaves at the moment. Over time, it will help shape how they learn to manage disappointment and bounce back from strong emotions.

So, stay calm, set clear limits, and show your child that being short-tempered isn't bad. What they need most is your help learning how to handle those big feelings in better ways—skills they'll use for life.