Responsible Parenthood: 7 Questions to Ask Before Having a Baby

Responsible parenthood starts long before a pregnancy test turns positive, and even before you commit to a lifelong relationship. Spend enough time online, and you will see many Filipino parents saying the same thing: they wish they had talked more about expectations before having a baby. 

And it's rarely just one deep, honest conversation. These are talks you will start, pause, and restart. They will hopefully help you and your partner reach the same page when it comes to raising a child together. 

To help start those conversations, here are questions to discuss early, based on some real-life insights from the ParenTeam Moms and Dads Facebook group. 

1. Are We Financially Ready for a Baby? 

Figuring out how to afford raising a child is one of the biggest challenges you will face as a parent. People in the ParenTeam Facebook group are quick to point out that you can never have too much savings. 

From pregnancy to childbirth to education, there are a ton of expenses that you just can't put off. So, talk about: 

• How to save for medical care, emergency funds, or life and health insurance

• Who pays for what, especially when there's debt

• What monetary sacrifices are each of you willing to make  

• What happens if the household shifts to one income 

Money is a difficult subject to talk about. But it's crucial to address because as one ParenTeam mom shares, "Paano if ma-CS ka o ma-confine si Baby, saan ka kukuha ng pera? One diaper costs less than ₱10, but you need six to eight per day. One box of formula milk that costs ₱300 to ₱700 is only good for four to seven days." 

2. Are We Ready for the Physical Demands? 

One ParenTeam member puts newborn care this way: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Ready ka na magpalit ng diaper six times in 24 hours, matulog ng two hours every night for three months straight, magpa-burp at mag-hele ng baby."  

So be honest about your expectations of each other. Ask yourselves: 

• What's the distribution of household chores if one is on nighttime duty?   

• Should we hire help if both of us are working?  

• What equal responsibilities should we share for childcare, and what responsibilities fall on only one of us? 

Several parents from the ParentTeam Facebook group shared that dividing childcare and household tasks can feel like a petty issue before a baby arrives. 

But once you are exhausted, sleep-deprived, and caring for a newborn, those feelings of unfairness can quickly lead to resentment. Over time, those silent frustrations can take a toll on even the strongest relationships. 

3. Are We Mentally Ready for the Stress? 

Babies bring joy AND pressure. Sleepless nights, sick days, and constant responsibilities can test even the strongest relationships. 

As ParentTeam Facebook group member Gea, 34, mom of one, advises, "You should both know how you handle stress baka kasi pag may baby na, bigla na lang kayong sasabog dahil sa mga unexpected pressure kapag may nagkasakit or nag-tantrums yung bata." 

Talk honestly about: 

"Lalabas lahat ng sama ng loob, sumbat, paniningil. Kung immature kayo, mag kwe-kwentahan kayo ng partner mo. At doon unti-unting masisira relationship ninyo. Some things, once said, can never be undone." 

4. What Parenting Style Do We Believe In? 

You may love each other, but still have very different ideas about raising children. And remember, your respective upbringing will heavily influence the way you parent. 

So share with each other: 

• How discipline was handled

• What did punishment looked like

• How love and affection were shown at home

• What things each of you wants to do differently from the way you were raised

• What values are essential for growing up 

The parenting style matters even more when setting boundaries if the extended family members will be closely involved in your child's life.  

5. How Do Religion and Beliefs Fit Into Our Parenting? 

Some parents share that religion and pamahiin can lead to unexpected conflicts when you don't talk about it or assume these issues will "sort themselves out." When one parent prioritizes their beliefs, disagreements can escalate into a competition over which belief should "win." 

So, don't skip having tough conversations like: 

• Will you raise your child within a specific religion? Or will religion not be part of your home at all?

• Will you expose them to different beliefs and let them decide later? 

• If your beliefs differ from those of your parents or in-laws, how comfortable are you with them teaching certain practices or ideas to your children?  

Even couples who believe in the same faith don't always see eye to eye. One partner might be more strict, traditional, or involved than the other. These differences really come to light when kids start asking questions or getting involved in religious activities. 

6. What Are We Willing to Give Up Right Now? 

Before having a baby, talk honestly about what each of you is willing to give up and what feels non-negotiable at this stage of your lives. This could be career or financial goals, personal time, or even the amount of help you expect from each other. 

These conversations matter because some sacrifices may be okay for one partner but not the other. Responsible parenthood means understanding the tradeoffs ahead and choosing a path that works for both of you, not just in theory, but in daily life. 

7. Why Do We Want a Baby Right Now? 

Finally, ask the hardest question. Why now? Is it pressure from family, age, or comparison with others? Or is it a shared decision made with awareness and commitment? 

Before planning celebrations, baby showers, or even gifts for kids, make sure having a baby is something you both really, really want. 

Give each other time and space when you have these often emotionally charged conversations. And always keep in mind that discussing money, beliefs, and responsibilities protects your relationship and your future child. Answering these questions is one of the most meaningful gifts you can give your future family and a true expression of responsible parenthood.