Why Every Mom Needs a Kumare Support System

Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s beautiful, fulfilling, and on some days, overwhelming. And just when you feel like you’ve got it all figured out, your toddler throws a wrench into your plans, depriving you of sleep and happy thoughts. This is why having a strong support system matters more than most moms realize.

You need kumares you can message anytime, rant to without filter, or count on when things get tough. Over time, they become your safe space, a social network that just gets it—period.

What Your Kumares Can Do for You

Having a strong support system isn’t just about having people around; it’s about having the right kind of help at the moments you need it the most. Here’s what your newfound sisterhood really gives you:

1. They give you a safe space to vent without judgement.

Knowing you have someone to talk to can make all the difference.  

There are moments in motherhood you don’t always want to say out loud—like forgetting to pick your kindergartener up from school, or spilling your baby’s lugaw and quietly letting the dog handle the cleanup.

With your kumares, you don’t have to filter or explain. You can share the messy, imperfect parts of your day without worrying about being judged.

They don’t jump in to correct you or make you feel worse. Instead, they listen, laugh with you, and remind you that you’re not the only one having those kinds of days. And sometimes, that’s exactly what you need: to feel understood, not evaluated. 

For Rachel T., having a mommy sisterhood is what helps her cope with the guilt of being a working mom of three. “I hate saying goodbye in the morning,” Rachel shares. “But my working mumshies know exactly what it feels like to have to leave our babies behind.“ 

2. They act as your real-time parenting resource.

Beyond emotional support, your kumares become your most reliable source of practical advice: fast, relevant, and grounded in real-life experience.
Most of the time, all it takes is a quick message in your group chat or Facebook group, and suddenly you have a whole thread of answers:

• “Who’s a good pediatrician in Makati?”
• “Mas malambing ba talaga ang girls kesa sa boys?”
• “My kids won’t eat veggies—help!” 

What makes this different from Googling is context. These are moms who live where you live, deal with the same schedules, schools, and routines, and have tried things with their own kids. “I heard about using lavender oil on mosquito bites from my mom friends. It’s the only thing that works on my baby’s skin.” says Anna M., mom of 1. 

The best part is that you’re not getting generic advice; you’re getting solutions that you can actually relate to. A 2023 study published in BMC Public Health shows that having strong social support is directly linked to a significant boost in your parenting confidence. 

3. They’re a reminder that you’re doing okay.

You can count on your kumares for a judgement-free conversation. 

One of the toughest parts of motherhood is feeling that you might be the only one struggling. Social media doesn’t help; it often shows polished moments that make everyone else seem like they have it all together. 

But when you’re part of a strong support network, you see a different picture. You hear about the sleepless nights, the picky eating phases, the tantrums in public, and suddenly, your own experience feels more common.

Research supports this, too. A study published in Health Psychology Open found that social support plays a key role in a mother’s well-being, helping reduce stress and improve overall health especially in the postpartum stage. 

More than anything, your beshies give you perspective. You stop thinking, “Why am I struggling so much?” and start realizing, “Ah, ganito pala talaga.”

How to Build Your Circle 

Not everyone starts out with a built-in group and that’s okay. The good news is, you can build your own mommy social network over time.

Start small. It could be the mom you see at school drop-off, a neighbor with a child the same age, or someone from your online parenting group. Don’t be afraid to make the first move—most moms are looking for connection, too.

From there, it’s really about showing up. Whether it’s over a quick coffee or a casual playdate at the playground, those small, consistent moments are what turn acquaintances into real friendships.

“I met my mom beshie at the pedia’s office,” shares Jana B., a mom of two. “Our babies share the same birth month, and we got close because of that. Three years later, she’s still the person I can count on to check in on me every once in a while.”

Over time, these connections become something deeper. When you surround yourself with other women in the same stage of life, you’re building more than friendships, you’re creating a support system that grows with you.

Because You Aren’t Meant to Figure This Out Alone

While having a kumare support system won’t solve everything, it will make the hard days lighter and the good days even better. It’s the difference between just getting through motherhood and actually enjoying it. So find your fellow mumshies, send that first message and show up. Because sometimes, the most reassuring thing another mom can say isn’t advice, it’s “We got this.”

Looking for your own kumare support system? Meet other like-minded parents in the ParenTeam Moms and Dads Facebook group and discover what else you have in common.